I wonder how many of us think about writing a book on our lives. I mean, be honest with yourself, how many times have you asked yourself the question: If I wrote a book about myself, would people read it? I have asked myself this question multiple times (always, oddly enough, when I'm washing my hair in the shower). Here are the two titles I came up with:
- Being the Oldest Child Sucks (catchy, right?)
- Reflections of an Unpaid Intern
First, I'll address the first. Anyone who is the oldest knows that being the oldest sucks. I am not that quick, and it took me until I was 16 years old to figure this out. But there are other, wiser people out there who have come to this realization much earlier on. Like her:
Yes. She is 7 years old. But one day while I was babysitting, we were playing in the park and out of nowhere she looked at me and said, "I hate being the oldest." That is beyond profound for someone this age. But she was speaking from her candid, innocent part of her mind that we smother. And you know what? She was speaking the TRUF. She had already understood something that had taken me the better part of my life to put into words. Damn. For this I will always respect her. Now here is what sucks about being the oldest:
- You are the guinea pig: BOTTOM LINE your parents have no idea what the fuck is going on ("You didn't come with an owner's manuel ya know!"). Well great, so why don't you guys run around like chickens with your heads cut off while I try to muster the energy to grow up. And when you can't answer one of my questions because you don't have enough experience you say, "Because I said so." COOL. That makes a whole lot of sense...and now you see why I am not to bright.
- The rules are always the strictest for the oldest: TRUE STORY - I am the "bad child". Every family has one and I am it. Not proud. But what are you going to do? I did everything bad that a child could do. One of my favorite things to do is to test people's limits. My parents have been the main beneficiaries of this great gift. Well, now my two younger siblings get to do whatever they want. When my mom tells my brother to be home by 2 am...he is home by 3:30am. He gets a snide comment and I got grounded. Sweet.
- WARNING This one is insanely materialistic: The youngest girl always gets better clothes at an earlier age. I know, this is insanely trivial. But when you are younger this sometimes matters more than what clique you belong to. I got GAP jeans that showed my ass crack at the slightest bend and she gets Seven jeans in three different washes. She owns the entire Spring 2009 JCrew catalogue and I owned a fourth of the sale rack at Old Navy. Not that Old Navy isn't great, but....you see the difference.
- The eldest is stereotyped to be Type-A, reserved child: How can all of us live up to this?? Due to this stupid effing stereotype, new parents are expecting a docile, well-mannered child. Guess again. What if I am genetically inclined to be the complete opposite of that (of which I am). Now I have to feel bad that I am this way because someone decided that first-borns are the respectful, reserved child that parents dream of? I know that stereotypes come from truth, but whoever came up with this, I have a message for you: FUCK YOU.
Moving on...to the next book that I have in mind "Reflections of an Unpaid Intern"
I know, the second one sounds familiar. I have had three unpaid internships in my life, and frankly, that is just about as much as I can take. Yes, I learned a lot at each company. Yes, they were all learning experiences. Yes, everyone was nice and accomidating. Yes, it helped me figure out my career path. AND No, I am not worth being paid. No, we cannot offer you insurance. No, you will not be offered a permanent job here. No, you aren't worth anything.
I have started this blog to list my grievances because I do not have the energy (or the smarts for that matter) to write an entire book. I will also use this blog to post personal items, things I observe during this tumultuous time, and humorous anecdotes. So I hope you enjoy. I have actually drawn my inspiration from "The Sassy Curmudgeon" blog, which is by the way the best blog I have ever read. I am not guaranteeing that this will even hold a candle to that, but I sure as hell am going to try.
THAT IS ALL.
